Monday, August 3, 2009

31 Days More...

...And I'll be declared dead.

I've been under the weather for weeks now. There's the noticeable change in my personality plus I've been getting much morose as the days add on. Heading to a depressed state? I don't think so but I think it's where I'll end up.

Relationship with a boy named A is sinking. I have no words to describe what we've gone through. We're not together anymore, but we've had constant communication from the day we officially called it quits. Our relationship is the understatement of ill. That thing they say "We're each others' oxygen", is probably true as one cannot live without the other. I can't breathe, not because he's not with me, but because I feel like I'm imprisoned. I want to break free from him. I want to forget him so bad that I cry every night while praying to God begging him to help me not love A anymore. I don't feel loved, I don't feel important when he's there. But I'm afraid to break free and leave him.

...and that's the story of My July.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Let's shut him down!

Of crushes... It finally occurred to me that he isn't the tall, dark and handsome, knight in shining armor, schoolboy I want. Yes, he is tall, dark and handsome, but there's something about him that terrifies me. I had a ridiculously bad dream about him and a former classmate. I won't go in to the details but it was really bad. And I'm scarred, for life.

It annoys me to know that he's using my favorite color as his "name". Not good Mr. D, not good.