Realization (And The Infinite Sadness)

I used to spend a lot of my, as I'd like to call it, in-between free time (the lag period between post-graduation and training) on Tumblr - discovering a new different set of people. People who are actually cool and I wished I knew in real life. I'm not the 13 year old kid who used to talk to everyone she meets online, so I follow and stay quiet and be amazed at how awesome these people are. Thanks to them I opened my ears and eyes to limitless number of films, books, bands and crazy good music which are most of the time obscure and/or classic. Though it's quite late to think of it, I set myself on at least being half of what these people are. Now, I always feel unaccomplished whenever I compare myself to these 20-something year-olds. I envy them because they're happy with what they are doing... and I'm not.

Believing that I'm still experiencing quarter-life crisis, I convinced myself on continuing what I've already started doing. Try it out for a year or two and see what happens. But almost 5 months into it, I'm already feeling tired and drained. Both drained of energy and interest for this job. It doesn't help that a lot of the people I've met in this training are old hags and witches. Yes it's a rough world out there and nobody, NOBODY could have it that easy (Okay, maybe kids like, oh I dunno, Paris Hilton), I understand that.

I feigned my extreme headache so I could skip work today. I'm not getting paid anyway. I'm just tired and I need a big bear hug from someone who could comfort me and encourage me to hold on. Only a few people could do that and they're so far away from me, it's making me depressed.

I hate that I'm so pessimistic. I spend a lot of time everyday convincing myself that what I'm doing will benefit me in the long run. This is experience and experience means job with pay and job with pay means overseas work and overseas work means lots of money. This third-world mentality is ridiculous.

I just want to be happy with what I'm doing. You can't love what you're not happy with.

An Overture to Realization

I sure can list a number of alibis to tell you why I have been slowly disappearing from the wonderful world of interwebz. One is I'm happy living as a lurker and a ninja who occasionally posts just to say I'm still here. Two is I really am busy with my training. It drains all the happy thoughts in my head and the only jolt of jolly energy that is left in my body. And Three, let's stop with three, is that I choose to be a pig all the time. Uneventful is the perfect word to explain my life right now.

Wants (And The Lack of Motivation to Do/Get Them)

Spurts of envy makes me write blog post. I'm not a regular blogger, hell even an occasional one. Reading other amazing people's blogs inspires me. The problem is it lasts for about a millisecond. I tend to get tired (read: lazy) after I make a concrete plan on what I want to write about. After the thought process, if I'm not too drained, I end up writing about, well, things like this. I am in denial that these are just excuses. My English high school professor once told me I just needed a little polish and maybe, maybe I could be a good writer. That person is nowhere to be found.

I want to write a book review, write a movie review, write a proper blog post. I want to read more books and watch more movies. I want to go on a diet. I want to start my own paper crafts business. I want to take more photographs and make prints out of them. I want to be a better hobbyist. I want to achieve awesomeness. And it's sad that all of these don't relate to what I am doing right now. Eh.

Why is laziness taking over my life?

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Observations:
- I notice my excessive (and sometimes incorrect) use of the Oxford Comma.
- My posts needs proof-reading.
- I need to act on what I really want to do.

Project 52: Weather, Pfft

9/52

We're having yet another sleep-inducing weather this week.  It's always like this here in Legazpi. I dread the rain because of the feeling it gives off. I hate the sun during high noons because it makes me sweat like a pig running on a treadmill. Last month's weather was spectacular. A bit hot, but the breeze feels cool and the clouds perfectly cover the sky. Plus, I could whip off winter-y clothes (let's pretend I have real ones) any time of the day. Now, it's either rainy or hot, and I hate it. But I'd go with sunny over rainy any time.