Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Widely Known Profession

It's another one of those weeks where I have so much free time in my hands, I don't even know what to do with it. Being productive is negative since I haven't been productive, productive in quite a few months. Sure I've done some origamis, took some pictures, looked for trouble in the right places - but that doesn't scream productive in the way I scream productive, if you know what I mean.

In these three months, I've been pretty useless for mankind. Take long afternoon naps, get a headache after. Did the world attain world peace? No. Did my mom like me lounging around the house all day? No. Did my sister like me poking around her daily business? No. Comparing myself to my friends - they're up there, I'm down here. They look for jobs, I'm "Juana Tamad" waiting for a job offer to knock at my door.

So here I am, instead, discovering the wonderful world of movies and fiction. Watching movies I haven't heard before. Reading books everyone has been raving about (except that one about vampires, 'cause I stopped reading halfway through Eclipse when I figured out things were too much for me) and I've seen with great reviews and ratings. Getting a new TV that plays .avi and .mkv files also added to the excitement of not spending money on pirated DVDs.

I'm running out of things to do.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Battle With Indecision

A sole word has been playing around my mind and has been bothering me to some extent. I couldn't exactly put to words how much it has been affecting me the second I left the bomb-shelter that is college. Crisis. Quarter-life Crisis to be exact. Wikipedia defined it as:
The quarterlife crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties.

The on-going battle with indecision is making me exhausted. It would be comforting to at least know what I really want in life. What I really want to be. What I see my future as. All I see now is the blurry concoction of hopes, dreams and what I am supposed to be. Thinking of this is too much, yet so crucial to my future.

I think it's a bad thing that I still doubt myself as that person capable of proving to herself that this is where she is supposed to be. I keep telling myself that I am taking the right path. Talking to the right people. Taking the right measures. If I am doing things right, why do I feel like I don't want this?

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Mandatory Where The Hell Have You Been Post (A Month in The Making)


This is not the real The Mandatory Where The Hell Have You Been Post (A Month in The Making) entry. This is me filling out the sad space that has been gathering dust in this side of cyberspace.

I have been pre-occupied with what grown-ups do when they finish college and pass their required board exam. Bum around for a few months, then surprise myself by trying to take on adult responsibilities. Like how my The Sims 2 character, Eon, magically turns into an adult in just 2 weeks.

It's been hell today. I don't know if what happened today is really hell or I just made myself believe it is. There's a first for everything, today is another milestone in my adult life.


Blog wise, I've been planning on making a simpler layout with big spaces to fill with photos. More pretty pictures (or the lack thereof), less mumbo-jumbo. I've been writing and thinking about Arms at Ready everywhere. The thought of making something out of it is exhilarating.