Let's kick it off with HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Hope you are enjoying your well-deserved vacation with your family.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Happy Holidays.
Oh lookie, it has been a month since my last entry here. Oh how I've ignored you dear rocketsplat!
Monday, November 30, 2009
We try and we try, but we fail.
Failure isn't an option they say.
But in these past few months, I've experienced failure after failure. EPIC FAIL as the interwebs coined it. No, I didn't fail any subjects, in fact I'm doing average in uni and it's expected to stay that way. Life, that's where I generally fail. Relationships, another downer. Social life, oh, I don't have that.
It's not fun anymore. I don't know if it's the inferiority complex or life in general. And no, I am not going to cut or kill myself.
I am yet into another dysfunctional relationship. I am with the most amazing person there ever is and yet I fail to see what that person does for me. I am so grateful that Bam loved me the way I am despite me looking like a complete mess; picked me up the time my past threw me away and shattered me into tiny pieces. But the thing is, I haven't forgotten about my past yet. It's heartbreaking that I am hurting somebody else while I wallow in pain.
I'd like to run away, and take long bus trips to nowhere and fade into oblivion. Is that too much to ask?
But in these past few months, I've experienced failure after failure. EPIC FAIL as the interwebs coined it. No, I didn't fail any subjects, in fact I'm doing average in uni and it's expected to stay that way. Life, that's where I generally fail. Relationships, another downer. Social life, oh, I don't have that.
It's not fun anymore. I don't know if it's the inferiority complex or life in general. And no, I am not going to cut or kill myself.
I am yet into another dysfunctional relationship. I am with the most amazing person there ever is and yet I fail to see what that person does for me. I am so grateful that Bam loved me the way I am despite me looking like a complete mess; picked me up the time my past threw me away and shattered me into tiny pieces. But the thing is, I haven't forgotten about my past yet. It's heartbreaking that I am hurting somebody else while I wallow in pain.
I'd like to run away, and take long bus trips to nowhere and fade into oblivion. Is that too much to ask?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Other Things
Other things.
Herein will lay the things that interests the captain.
Possible book list of 2010.
Possible photo sets.
Possibilities.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Do you remember, dancing in September?
I will never make ridiculous plans ever again. See, I get disappointed whenever I'm not able to comply with my life plans. I'll try to be spontaneous when the need "to-be" arises.
Today had one of the most scorching hot afternoons, I woke up from my siesta with beads of sweat dripping down my chest and forehead. It might sound like I look like a pornstar, but trust me it's far from that. I couldn't use the lone AC unit in the house because my mom was sleeping in that room. I wanted to chill, she wanted to sleep.
95 days before Christmas. That's the 5th or 6th time I used that line today. It's a new photo-project, more in the lines of Project 365 (which I attempted to do, but failed miserably). It's also a "renewing myself" plan. I realized I was getting unhealthy in all human aspects, so I had to change.
Yay! I didn't eat rice today, but I did eat motherloads of carbs. From baked potato topped with corned beef, bacon bits and cheese to cheetos and a burger. Um excuse me miss, are you on a diet?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
It's still September right?
Well hello there intarwebz and blogger blog. How are you? I haven't touched you for, what, a month or two already? I've been busy and I've been too lazy. Plus, my life haven't been so interesting lately. Many have happened, some are significant but not worth writing about. By the way I turned 19 last September 2, it's one of the worst days of my life. It feels weird to say "Hi, I'm Pauline and I'm 19 years old."
I told myself that blogging isn't an obligation. I'm not obliged to write about myself and swear and squee and spill out my heart's deepest secrets everyday. That's why I'm here, and I'm trying to make my life interesting again.
September 2, 2009 isn't the best day ever in my life. It's supposed to be galaxy trip into another blackhole, in other words, a transition. I had so many plans. I failed yet again. But I'm trying to change for the Nth time.
It's September 20 now, and it doesn't make any difference if I start today right? Though it's 18 days after my due date for change, It's still September 2 + 0.
You'll be seeing more of me.
I told myself that blogging isn't an obligation. I'm not obliged to write about myself and swear and squee and spill out my heart's deepest secrets everyday. That's why I'm here, and I'm trying to make my life interesting again.
September 2, 2009 isn't the best day ever in my life. It's supposed to be galaxy trip into another blackhole, in other words, a transition. I had so many plans. I failed yet again. But I'm trying to change for the Nth time.
It's September 20 now, and it doesn't make any difference if I start today right? Though it's 18 days after my due date for change, It's still September 2 + 0.
You'll be seeing more of me.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Book Bucket
Books Read: 2010
I'll be starting this list since I recently got back to reading and stocking up on books to read. I have a pile on my to-read shelf and the numbers are slowly multiplying thanks to different holidays wherein giving gifts is customary. The list is according to my Goodreads account and my poor memory. This also includes graphic novels I've come across throughout the year.
- Inspiration Sandwich by Sark
- Rant by Chuck Palahniuk
- The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
- The Catcher in The Rye by J.D. Salinger
- Stardust by Neil Gaiman
- Eglantine by Catherine Jinks
- Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
- Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy by Douglas Adams
- Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life by Brian Lee O'Malley
- Scott Pilgrim vs. The World by Brian Lee O'Malley
- Scott Pilgrim and The Infinite Sadness by Brian Lee O'Malley
- Clumsy by Jeffrey Brown
- Petropolis by Anna Ulinich
- The Path of Minor Planets by Andrew Sean Greer
- The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
- The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
- Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
- Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
- Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together by Brian Lee O'Malley
- Scott Pilgrim vs. The Universe
- Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
- Looking for Alaska by John Green
- Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan
- We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson
- Evil Genius by Catherine Jinks
- AEIOU: Any Easy Intimacy by Jeffrey Brown
- The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams
- Ang Mga Kaibigan ni Mama Susan by Bob Ong
Book Bucket: Year 2
Last year's Book Bucket list was very impressive, at least for me. It was a great accomplishment to have been able to read 29 assorted books, some were graphic novels. Literature is a great way to detach yourself to reality and as a self-proclaimed daydreamer, I'd like to delve more into the world of fiction.
This year, my goal is to read 30 books or more. I started with a 50 book challenge, but considering my busy state right now (hospital training and all), I've settled on 30 books for 2011. I am also challenging myself to write a review for every book I finish. I'm giving myself much work, but it will definitely help me in terms of writing and being articulate. Come and see my progress here.
- How To Live in a Science Fictional Universe by Charles Yu
- Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen
- Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield
- In The Floyd Archives: A Psycho-Bestiary by Sarah Boxer
CURRENT READS:
- Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger
- Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
- Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
Monday, August 3, 2009
31 Days More...
...And I'll be declared dead.
I've been under the weather for weeks now. There's the noticeable change in my personality plus I've been getting much morose as the days add on. Heading to a depressed state? I don't think so but I think it's where I'll end up.
Relationship with a boy named A is sinking. I have no words to describe what we've gone through. We're not together anymore, but we've had constant communication from the day we officially called it quits. Our relationship is the understatement of ill. That thing they say "We're each others' oxygen", is probably true as one cannot live without the other. I can't breathe, not because he's not with me, but because I feel like I'm imprisoned. I want to break free from him. I want to forget him so bad that I cry every night while praying to God begging him to help me not love A anymore. I don't feel loved, I don't feel important when he's there. But I'm afraid to break free and leave him.
...and that's the story of My July.
I've been under the weather for weeks now. There's the noticeable change in my personality plus I've been getting much morose as the days add on. Heading to a depressed state? I don't think so but I think it's where I'll end up.
Relationship with a boy named A is sinking. I have no words to describe what we've gone through. We're not together anymore, but we've had constant communication from the day we officially called it quits. Our relationship is the understatement of ill. That thing they say "We're each others' oxygen", is probably true as one cannot live without the other. I can't breathe, not because he's not with me, but because I feel like I'm imprisoned. I want to break free from him. I want to forget him so bad that I cry every night while praying to God begging him to help me not love A anymore. I don't feel loved, I don't feel important when he's there. But I'm afraid to break free and leave him.
...and that's the story of My July.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Let's shut him down!
Of crushes... It finally occurred to me that he isn't the tall, dark and handsome, knight in shining armor, schoolboy I want. Yes, he is tall, dark and handsome, but there's something about him that terrifies me. I had a ridiculously bad dream about him and a former classmate. I won't go in to the details but it was really bad. And I'm scarred, for life.
It annoys me to know that he's using my favorite color as his "name". Not good Mr. D, not good.
It annoys me to know that he's using my favorite color as his "name". Not good Mr. D, not good.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A
Living alone isn't so very happy.
Yeah I can get to do anything I want to. Kids think that being home alone is so cool, well I don't. I hate the silence. I love it when the timing is appropriate. I am a person who loves to have somebody around her, a person or two. I just hate doing household chores because I'm doing it all for myself. I am proud that I'm able to do things independently now like I'm running this household all by myself but the fact that this house is so empty, makes me sad.
My mom left again for her work. My uncle has a different world now with his girlfriend. My special someone went to a far away place. They all left me alone. It's a good yet depressing thing.
I'm just used to having so many people around me; my mom making meals, going home every after work hours; my uncle watching the television; and him texting me every waking day, fighting with me, joking around, talking for hours;
It's a new thing being alone. I guess I just have to live with it.
..and I promise myself to never live alone when I get old.
Yeah I can get to do anything I want to. Kids think that being home alone is so cool, well I don't. I hate the silence. I love it when the timing is appropriate. I am a person who loves to have somebody around her, a person or two. I just hate doing household chores because I'm doing it all for myself. I am proud that I'm able to do things independently now like I'm running this household all by myself but the fact that this house is so empty, makes me sad.
My mom left again for her work. My uncle has a different world now with his girlfriend. My special someone went to a far away place. They all left me alone. It's a good yet depressing thing.
I'm just used to having so many people around me; my mom making meals, going home every after work hours; my uncle watching the television; and him texting me every waking day, fighting with me, joking around, talking for hours;
It's a new thing being alone. I guess I just have to live with it.
..and I promise myself to never live alone when I get old.
Monday, July 27, 2009
This is the first day of my life.
I have to go away for a while. Have my alone time and stare into the horizon and the oblivion. I want to sit in a quiet place and have flashbacks on how my life has been since I started college; all of the people that I met, the person that I love and how I grew so much. I am a lot more different from who I was in high school.
I don't know why I'm having THIS. Perhaps I feel like I'm getting old, and as the days add up, I feel as if my world is getting way more complicated. In the real world, I'm not a kid anymore. In my unconscious thoughts, I'm 17. But in my utopia, I'll forever be 8.
This is the first day of my life.
I don't know why I'm having THIS. Perhaps I feel like I'm getting old, and as the days add up, I feel as if my world is getting way more complicated. In the real world, I'm not a kid anymore. In my unconscious thoughts, I'm 17. But in my utopia, I'll forever be 8.
This is the first day of my life.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Another One
So I'm given another chance to turn my life around and set it to the way it was before. Zero lovelife, more time for school, friends and other things that I didn't have time for when I was stupidly ogling at somebody who wasn't meant to be my prince. Eww, mushy stuff.
I hate having headaches after lovely afternoon naps. Instead of feeling refreshed, I woke up to a stiff neck and a bad headache. Time to resort to my lovely friend, Biogesic.
Uni starts tomorrow and I've never been happier. Okay that was a lie. I'm not in a cheery mood right now, more like morose, thanks to you break-up. But I felt a little tingle in my stomach when Wednesday was fast approaching. I'm loving it now but in a few weeks time, I'll hate Wednesdays more than ever.
I hope everything turns out awesome tomorrow. I miss my loony friends. *sigh*
I hate having headaches after lovely afternoon naps. Instead of feeling refreshed, I woke up to a stiff neck and a bad headache. Time to resort to my lovely friend, Biogesic.
Uni starts tomorrow and I've never been happier. Okay that was a lie. I'm not in a cheery mood right now, more like morose, thanks to you break-up. But I felt a little tingle in my stomach when Wednesday was fast approaching. I'm loving it now but in a few weeks time, I'll hate Wednesdays more than ever.
I hope everything turns out awesome tomorrow. I miss my loony friends. *sigh*
Monday, June 15, 2009
About
The Captain & Her Army
Hi. My name is Pauline Yu (the first syllable of my true surname) and I'm 20 years old. People call me Pau. I'm currently unemployed and a mere fresh blood to the adult world of responsibilities and day jobs. Don't worry, I'm trying to be responsible and I am trying to find a way to make my own living. I refer to myself as "The Captain" because I like the way it sounds and Captain Yu gives off a certain superiority, doesn't it?
. . .
The Captain
Hi. My name is Pauline Yu (the first syllable of my true surname) and I'm 20 years old. People call me Pau. I'm currently unemployed and a mere fresh blood to the adult world of responsibilities and day jobs. Don't worry, I'm trying to be responsible and I am trying to find a way to make my own living. I refer to myself as "The Captain" because I like the way it sounds and Captain Yu gives off a certain superiority, doesn't it?
I like to take photographs, watch tv shows, dream of making stuff, read and drink coffee. I also have an undying affair with music, especially the kind that makes you want to fly, dance and dream. A large percentage of my free time is spent watching movies and tending to my dead online life.
Places to find me:
. . .
okay
So I made a new blog, and look it's shiny and new... and gray!
It's time for change I guess. I have a short attention span, I get tired of things easily. I'm starting to get sick of the name disorderjunkie, I dunno why, but I just have to get away from it for a while. Plus spammers are already invading my blog, spamming my chatbox with their nasty, crappy ads, as if I get 100000000000 hits per day.
So yeah, I decided it's time for change. I have yet to define this blog from many other blogs I have. I'm planning on making this the "ranting" blog, tumblr as the random artistic blogs (where I have my photoblog) and LJ as my fandom blog. Speaking of LJ, I made a new account again, but I forgot LJ has those gigantic ads that mess up your layout and the blog itself. So I got annoyed and made a new one here instead. I'm moving.
So yeah, this will be my official ranting blog from now on. Toodles.
It's time for change I guess. I have a short attention span, I get tired of things easily. I'm starting to get sick of the name disorderjunkie, I dunno why, but I just have to get away from it for a while. Plus spammers are already invading my blog, spamming my chatbox with their nasty, crappy ads, as if I get 100000000000 hits per day.
So yeah, I decided it's time for change. I have yet to define this blog from many other blogs I have. I'm planning on making this the "ranting" blog, tumblr as the random artistic blogs (where I have my photoblog) and LJ as my fandom blog. Speaking of LJ, I made a new account again, but I forgot LJ has those gigantic ads that mess up your layout and the blog itself. So I got annoyed and made a new one here instead. I'm moving.
So yeah, this will be my official ranting blog from now on. Toodles.
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