Thursday, January 13, 2011

To The Point of Being (Almost) Socially Awkward

I usually talk to my friend Yvette about my day. Events which are usually uninteresting. I love her for her patience with a basketcase like me. I feel sorry for her at times when I'm really frustrated, angry and when I think I'm terribly depressed. Last week, we had a talk about (my) past loves-slash-crushes and both of us mentioned the boy I supposedly had my first date with. Think poor man's Atom Araullo. Boy, did I fall for him. After hours of reminiscing, comparing which of my crushes was the better one and crying over spilled milk, we concluded that we should do better this year when it came to our social life and inexistent love life. She's slowly immersing into the single market and I'm stuck in my room listening to Ingrid Michaelson's break-up album while refreshing postcard forums.

Yvette said something along the lines of, "You are always awkward". I also blurted out something like, "OHMYGOD! I really am awkward!". This brings us to this post, To The Point of Being (Almost) Socially Awkward. How do people know what are the right things to say at the right time? I've had experiences with telling people interesting bits about my life where they look at me quizzically when I stop. It's as if they're still waiting for me to end my sentence, when in fact I already did. That forces me to say "Yeah, so that's it" and the awkward silence suddenly fills the air. 

Before the conversation Yvette and I had, I used to think I was awkward only with the people I had bad history with. By "people", I meant the ones who witnessed my embarrassing tirades in high school and the boys I innocently threw myself at. I was a high schooler, I really didn't know that my actions would dampen the spirits of future Pauline. Honestly, I'm laughing at how clueless I was back then. I probably am the most assuming person at that time. High school Pauline didn't know that players existed back then and that she was a victim of poor man's Atom Araullo's evil schemes to collect girls. After that, maturity happened and I will be forever known as one of the most straight-faced, boring people in college. I come to the conclusion that I am now very awkward. 

It would be a nice addition to my New Year's Resolution; Be less awkward. Look approachable. Try to break the ice. Believe me, this, for me, requires a lot of work. I'm terrible at actual conversations with people I barely know. Put 2 laptops in between us, open messenger, I think I'll do better. I'm a dubious person. I think people talk to me because they're trying to be nice to me. It might be because I don't feel well about myself. 

Hello, 2011. Let me be less awkward to people I talk to. 


This is a post (kind of) dedicated to Yvette who claims to have been my friend for almost 10 years now. Now I could genuinely use the phrase "We go way back" when I talk about you, without feeling like a creeper. Yvette, you are an amazing friend, for without you, I would be lost in the maze of young adulthood.


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